How to Become a Psychological Self-Healer

The ability to deal with emotional pain is essential to courage, and courage is essential to having a full, free, and fantastic life.

If we do not learn how to heal, we are done trying after the first time we fall.

By the way, everybody falls.

Yet, some people never fall in love again, after the first heartbreak.

Other people settle for a relationship that is wrong for them in order to avoid that first heartbreak.

Almost any adventure can fail, or else it was probably not a worthy adventure.

Indeed, the most important goals we could have are those that we will sometimes feel like quitting.

In this way, the expression “no pain – no gain” applies to more than sports.

No dream becomes birthed without labor pains along the way.

Bottom line: if you want to freedom to seek your ambitions, whatever they are, learn to become a psychological self-healer.

It is simpler than it seems.

As babies, we are born with three varieties of emotional pain, each with its own distinctive cry: loss (grief), anger, and fear.

Painful events trigger one or more of these.

Our innate emotional equipment allows us to feel the particular response, and then we are done with it.

Pain is the worst that life can give us psychologically, but life also supplies us with a brain with the psychological ability to heal.

What goes wrong?

While still children, we start to learn the social rules around us, which is when the situation becomes more complicated.

Often, we learn which feelings we should suppress.

Otherwise, we may court negative judgments from the people around us.

Sometimes, certain feelings become dangerous to have, for example, anger in a child experiencing abuse.

Boys (and sometimes girls) learn that tears function as “blood to the sharks” in the schoolyard.

Girls (and sometimes boys) learn that anger gets someone called “bossy,” which may comprise the kiss of social death.

Other times, we may decide not of have one or more of these three feelings ourselves, for example, in order to not be similar to a particular person or to not give someone else the power to hurt us.

The result of all this is that we cover one feeling with another.

In other words, we may become angrier instead of feeling hurt, or we may become sadder to avoid the experience of anger.

This is costly.

It takes a lot of rage to express a few tears and a lot of tears to express “liquid anger.”

Other times we imitate or construct complicated emotions, like anxiety and depression, in order to accomplish the same goal of hiding from feelings we do not accept.

Remember our first point: accepting the actual emotion allows us to heal and get over it.

So, how do you know which is the actual emotion?

Now, it gets simple.

The healing is a good clue.

Our expressing the right feeling at the right time brings relief.

As a result, we have the phrase “a good cry” for a healing experience of loss or “getting that off my chest” for a healing experience of anger.

If you are experiencing/expressing a feeling and you do not experience relief, this is a hint that you may be covering up the true emotion.

Which one?

It is not difficult to find it – there are only three.

Move away from the one that just increases and choose the one that diminishes when you allow it.

Knowing how to heal, you become free to seek your cherished aspirations.

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This entry was posted on Friday, May 9th, 2014 at 6:30 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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