My worst source of anxiety is the fact that my boyfriend  has not
called in two weeks. He has also acted in a very insensitive manner in
for a while.

Question:

Is it appropriate to send him an email to let him know that I think his
actions are disgraceful or should I just close the door and walk away. I
do not want to start the relationship up again as he will continue to
treat me shabbily but I feel as if I need to let him know that he has
behaved like a child and needs to grow up.

I am crying a lot the last little while and I am trying to be strong and
to say I need to forget him and go on . Even though I will not be in
the relationship I seem to have a need to express my feelings of
disappointment in him as a person.

Thanks!

 
It seems to me you are making the right decision to take the stand that you deserve better treatment. The best purpose sending a note at such a time is to make sure you feel complete, not really with him but mostly with yourself.  In other words, anything that might haunt you later, as in wishing you had said it -- that's what you write.

A nice technique is to write two letters, one not to send and a second to send. The unsent letter can express your anger in a forceful way. Any letter that you would consider sending him, even on your angriest day, is not angry enough for such a letter. Then, once the anger is out of your system, you can write the second one.

It might include :

• your own view of what you think went wrong, 

• your opinion of his issues, 

• and the effects of these on the relationship and on his own life. 

• Be sure to add that you don't expect him to agree, but you wanted just once to put it out there. 

• If there any circumstances at all under which you would consider seeing him again, be sure to mention them. For example, if he got professional help on his issues, would you ever see him?  If so, after how long? 

Again, this letter works so that such thoughts don't draw your attention away from getting over him, not because you expect him to fix himself after receiving it.   Wondering about that would also keep you attached, so view this letter as the end of your relationship with him, as you have known him.   If he ever changes, he will not be the same guy that you have known.  So, you commitment becomes that the next  man in  your life will be much different from this, even if it is some future version of this fellow.  

Hope this is helpful,.

Best wishes,


Dr. Rick Blum