This is for a friend of mine whose son has ADD (age 19 ) and refuses to take medication, doesn't want to work, or go to school.  He blames his mother for everything going wrong in his life, and his mother doesn't know what to do to help him."

Well, there is help available, but none for those not yet interested in help. His best shot is if his mother takes care of herself in the situation.

A message from her might go like this:

                       'I am here for you to help you in any way that is, in fact, helpful. So, if you are succeeding in school, you will have a home to work from. If you get a job and are willing to save money for your future, I'm happy to help you do that. Even if you want to seek treatment for your ADD problems, that would  give me some hope that I'm really helping you. But, if you are going to hang out here and not experience fully the way that your life is stuck, well that's not helping you. I cannot be part of that.  So, let me know what you want to do?'

Then, if he does not decide, it would be like him saying no, so that the last option comes into play. 

I know this may sound tough, but that is why it's called "tough love." If she can't do this, a few more years of his living there like this will unfortunately get her ready, but the hard way.

Wish your friend my best and good luck with the outcome of her efforts,

Dr. Rick Blum