One-minute Amnesty

Of all the strategies to improve relationships, one of the most effective is what I call “one-minute amnesty.” We’ve been unknowingly practicing this strategy since we were children every time we called for a “do-over” during a game. “Do over.” What happy words those were and how often necessary! Now, we only have to mutually […]

Making Guilt Healthy

I’m not the kind of psychologist who thinks that people should try to avoid any feelings of guilt. When we could do better, we should do better. (That’s what classical psychoanalyst Carl Jung described as healthy guilt.) But guilt is like fear:  essential for brief periods and paralyzing when chronic. Long-lasting guilt about our deficiencies […]

The First Book Excerpt

It’s out!  You can order The Recipe:  Love Made Simple, right here (Below is an excerpt from page 10:) Have you ever taken the bitter pill? There is a big difference between the inevitable pain in life and optional bitterness about life. Emotional pain is specific and localized to particular events, while bitterness generalizes pain, […]

The More You Give the More You Get

Have you noticed how some people seem to have naturally joyful hearts? Perhaps you are one of them; or perhaps you would like to be. They may not be well-off or even have easy lives.                                 Sometimes, they may even be surrounded by hardships. Freedom from trouble has nothing to do with it, because the source […]

Finding the Courage to Change

In the last post, I wrote that it’s often hardest to be at our best when it matters most.   The good news, as we saw, is that we can change the old responses that come up during stress.   But, it’s easier to make such changes if you believe that you are just changing […]

Why Is It Hardest to Be Yourself When It Matters Most?

Ever notice that you’re more likely to react in a way you don’t want to when you care the most about what happens? Seems unfair, doesn’t it? Let’s say you’re single and you meet someone who might really be right for you, but you aren’t being yourself. It’s a job interview for a position that […]

How to Become a Psychological Self-Healer

The ability to deal with emotional pain is essential to courage, and courage is essential to having a full, free, and fantastic life. If we do not learn how to heal, we are done trying after the first time we fall. By the way, everybody falls. Yet, some people never fall in love again, after […]

How Not to Get Sidetracked

My previous post (on becoming “unstoppable”) prompted one thoughtful reader to notice that becoming distracted from ones goals is a common challenge. I have been thinking about that since reading her post. A man in his 90s once wrote that, if every day is a precious opportunity when one’s last days are in view, then […]

How to Become Unstoppable

Every experience you have can become useful. You can insist on this, as a promise to yourself. Enjoy the pleasure and use the pain. Everyone’s future will include both joy and sorrow, no matter what we do. Even if we make the best choices, we will become hurt sometimes. Even when we sabotage our lives, […]

If You Think You’re Bad, You’re Probably Good!

Goodhearted people usually think they’re not good enough. This is not necessarily a reflection of poor self-esteem, but can instead reflect a hunger to reach their potentials. In this way, life will contain struggle one way or another, but the question becomes whether people will struggle for the right objectives. Givers and takers each think […]